On finding a gentler kind of ambition and having fun.
I started listening to a new podcast this week, and like everything I fall for instantly, I’ve obviously been playing it 24/7 (yes, including in the shower). It’s called Search Engine, and it tries to answer the kinds of questions that keep you up at night—some existential, some small and silly, most somewhere in between.
Although there are other episodes I may have liked even more, there was something about the one titled “Does anyone like their job?” that unlocked a little nugget of insight—one I haven’t stopped thinking about since.
If you’ve been reading me for a while, it’ll come as no surprise that this question—how we relate to our work—is one I return to often. Maybe it’s because I’m still trying to rewire my brain to stop tying happiness and success to just one narrow source. Like PJ, the host of the podcast, I’ve always quietly believed that success is partly born out of a mix of worry, perfectionism, desperation, and obsessive overthinking. In other words: that the reward only comes after the suffering. (And maybe a lot of it.)
But by the end of the episode, PJ lands somewhere softer. He wonders whether the bigger question might be: “How do ambitious people find a way to be happy? How do they succeed without making their own misery part of the machinery that gets them there?”
And then this line:
“The desire to succeed can give you what you want while at the same time removing the ability to enjoy it. So maybe the secret power, sometimes, is to not try so hard.”
That snapped something into focus for me.
It made me think about the last thing I really, truly enjoyed making something—where that “secret power” came easily: the wedding jewelry I designed with my friend Oksana from Third Reasons. (Don’t worry—there will come a day when I stop talking about wedding things. Just… not today.)
As I tried to understand why the process felt so satisfying, I kept circling around the same answer: I didn’t try so hard.
Not in the apathetic sense. Not in the lazy sense. But in a grounded, low-pressure, intuitive way.
I didn’t over-reference. I didn’t obsess. I didn’t try to force it to say something profound about me. I just trusted Oksana, found inspiration in something that felt personal and meaningful, and let the process flow. I simply stayed open. And because of that—what came out was better than anything I could’ve forced.
It was the same with my friend An from AV Patisserie and the cake. (I know, I know. These examples might sound too specific—of course it was easy, you were working with really talented, sensitive people who get you. But that’s not really the point.)
The point is: I wasn’t gripping. I wasn’t trying to make it perfect. I wasn’t so attached to the outcome that I forgot to enjoy the making.
And maybe… that’s the nugget to come back to every now and then.
I’m not here to argue that success should be effortless. Or that hard work is bad. But I am wondering if we over-glorify struggle. If we confuse effort with value. If the whole “the harder it is, the bigger the reward” thing needs to be questioned a bit.
I don’t know where the balance lives yet. But lately, I’m interested in this gentler kind of ambition—the kind that doesn’t self-destruct in the process. The kind that makes space for fun.
No hard conclusion. Just a thought I’m sitting with.
‘Favorites’ Lately:
Listening to – These 'Morning Affirmations', my friend Alyssa recommended. A little cheesy, but so what? They've actually been such a sweet and kind way to wake up.
Craving – This ‘Banana Boston Cream’ Pie from Paris Starn’s Substack. Looks unreal.
Reading – The book ‘Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves’. As someone who loves pop culture, this has been a mind-blowing read on how history and media have shaped female dynamics and competition.
Tried – A 60min massage at Spencer’s in West Hollywood with Joanna Vargas. Highly highly recommend.
Avoided – Changing my 15-year-old password… which led to me getting hacked on an old Hotmail account. On the plus side, I’m basically a pro-hacker now. PSA: don’t be like me—change yours.
Loved – Discovering Pierre Boncompain’s work. See below.
Until next time!
–Isa
as allways...beautiful insights of universal nature.... that most of us can relate to...lightly written, but with meaningful ideas... gracias Isa.... so refreshing..!